Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
