My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just high enough for therapy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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