and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
