she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
