Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
