I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
