Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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