Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
