Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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