I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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