maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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