my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just high enough for therapy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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