I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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