remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
