im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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