Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
