you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
