Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
