you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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