well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
