Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
