Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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