Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
