My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
