i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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