We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize