You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
