I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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