ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
