STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
