the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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