God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
