the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
this hospital has no fireball
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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