i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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