the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
