If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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