Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
