I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
