Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
