i need an iv and a liver transplant
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
