the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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