Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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