He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
