Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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