Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
