He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
