Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
