angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
