Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
