I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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