does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
