oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
