Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
