You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
