yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
