as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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