You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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