I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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