The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize