YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
