The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
