Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
