ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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