dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
