so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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