I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize