I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
