Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
