So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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