I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
