Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
