Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
