i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
