distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
