Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
