yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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