I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
