Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
