Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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