It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
