Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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