didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
