I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You don't make any sense
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