I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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